that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
