haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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