We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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