I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
