I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
