Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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