he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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