dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
