She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
