Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
