she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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