so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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