We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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