who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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