and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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