I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
