i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
