i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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