You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
