can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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