After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is the high leading the old right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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