We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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