i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize