You made me cry and you don't even care
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I AM VODKA MAN
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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