Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
