Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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