I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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