Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
