When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She told me I should be a condom model.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How external is "for external use only"?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
