I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
