i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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