It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
