The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
