First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
