When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
