oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
