Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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