I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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