I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
