Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
