Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
