He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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