If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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