so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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