Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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