I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
