Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
