Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
