I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
