he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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