There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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