I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
