two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
