Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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