Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When are your genitals available?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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