Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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