I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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