Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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