I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
