Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
