Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
