WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
