Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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