im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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