I bet he comes in French.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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