Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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