Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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