Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
