He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
