feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
