I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
