I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
