No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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