i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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