How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
