i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
