Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
