Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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