you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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