Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
