I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
