Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
