Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
