we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
