would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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